“So what is the meaning of life?” asks the philosophy student; to which the teacher replies, “It is to love and be loved.” Loving and being loving is the way we get connected. It is what I call The Love Connection. That deep, heart felt need, to be connected to God and to each other is universal. All of us want to belong; want to be loved; yearn to be in relationship with others. And all of us suffer when our relationships with God or others go awry.

I have heard this deep yearning by many in this church; from single men and women who long to find a spouse; from others starting out in the work world, fearful of finding their place; from those who are married but live like they are separated; from those seeking to be connected in ways other than marriage or work; or from children starting school. Such yearnings do not mean something is wrong with us. I think this yearning comes from God, planted within us as a motivator to make connection. We were created in community, meant to be connected and probably the most effective way we get connected, is through our expressions of love.

Unlike English, the Greek has three different words for love. There are two we feel: philos, the love of friends, and eros, the physical, sexual kind of love. Both are good right? But Paul is speaking here of a third kind of love; not a love we feel but one we learn how to do. Agape love is the kind of love we offer to others, even if we don’t feel like loving them. It is not a warm, fuzzy, kind of love but a caring about the other person kind of love. It is a love not based on another’s behavior, accomplishments or actions. It is a love that is not earned, but given.

This is a difficult kind of love; the kind we would rather not consider because we know it involves a sacrifice on our part. It is offering kindness to the unlovable.  It is going the second mile even if we haven’t met; it is saying difficult things in a kind way; it is having respect for yourself and the other person; it is doing what is right despite the consequences. This kind of love is possible only with God’s help.

Perhaps you can think of times in your own life, when you were offered surprising kindness when your behavior did not merit it.  This is the kind of love that builds us up instead of tearing us down This is the kind of love that provides a place of safety instead of risk This is the kind of love that offers to pick up instead of knock down. This kind of love brushes us off and offers a kiss on the cheek that says, “It’s OK. Let’s try that again”. It is this kind of love that protects our relationships, allows us to blossom, and brings out the best in us and others.

Sounds impossible, doesn’t it?  Be kind, gentle, thoughtful to difficult people, or people we don’t even know?  Come on! That isn’t the real world. It’s hard enough with people we know and love!  But this is exactly what Jesus was talking about. In a world that models revenge when wronged, these are important words for us to hear. But how is this possible?

A couple weeks ago I shared some examples of Sandpaper People from Mary Southerland’s book of the same name. Sandpaper works a lot like a saw or chisel that cuts wood. There are different grades of sandpaper, classified by the kind of grit, or number of particles per square inch; the lower the grit the more abrasive the sandpaper, the higher the grit the smoother the sandpaper.  Sandpaper people then, are people who rub us the wrong way, with different levels of grit; maybe even people whose grit is industrial sized!

Quite easily, I think, our response to these sorts of people can be avoidance, revenge, anger, or isolation. After all who needs the aggravation?  “Get a life”, we say, or “Get over it”, or “Grow up”, all terms that show our own aggravation and sense of injustice. It is giving the message that we are right and they are wrong.

If I were to ask for a show of hands, I imagine nearly everyone here could readily name some examples of those sandpaper people. Probably the most painful are those we find right in our own families or circles of friends. Children who get mad at us for reasons we don’t understand and cut off all communication; friends who disagree with an opinion or value we hold dear; a spouse who busies themselves away from home, instead of trying to connect; relatives whose behavior is destructive. You and I can list multiple scenarios that separate us from each other and so, likewise from God.

Paul reminds us: But don’t forget: Love never gives up. My mother in law is a shining example of this to me. When I was first married, centered on establishing a home, adjusting to a marriage, starting a career and having a daughter, I did not think I had time to play my role with family commitments. I justified how busy I was during those immature years, but my mother in-law never let this deter her. She would write letters, she would call, she would send fudge in the mail, she would invite us to visit and she would come the long distance to visit us, even though I did not do my part. I remember being struck with her determination/ coupled with her generous acts of love. Nothing, for her, was going to separate us if she could help it; not even my busyness.

Love never gives up. Not through the storms of rejection; not through the fear of failure; nor through our own exasperation with the other. Agape love gives without expecting anything in return, and I think this is the secret to success. Agape love invites, when the other keeps saying no. Making a Love Connection is setting aside our own needs and feelings for another. But it is too difficult to do on our own; and fortunately this is not how it is intended.

In September we will be offering an ongoing small group opportunity, whose purpose is to provide an atmosphere where we can get connected to God and each other all at the same time! Disciples Bible study is a way for our own church family to get connected. It will meet weekly for conversation and connection around the lesson. It is not like taking a class, with a teacher/student format, where a certain hierarchical model is presented. The assumption is that the Holy Spirit is present in each of us, often with multiple learnings. It is not so much about information, as it is about transformation.

If you have ever been in a small group for any length of time you know that it is much more about the relationships formed around the circle, than it is about the content of a lesson. It is about sharing your hopes and dreams, your joys and suffering with people who know and care about you. It is a place to love and be loved. If you’ve never been in such a group, now is the time to consider such a gift.

If you are thinking, yes, I want to feel connected; this is for you. If you would like to know more about your faith and what difference it makes in your life, this is for you. If the Bible has always been a daunting book that makes little sense at first, join the crowd! If you’ve never had the opportunity to experience a small group, now’s the time, for an ongoing small group is the church at its best. The pilot program is limited to 12-14 people, but will probably be contagious. So if you’re interested come check it out at the orientation meeting next Sunday, Aug. 28^th, right after worship, in the library.

Agape love is very different than our culture’s understanding of love. The Corinthians, to whom Paul was explaining God’s kind of love, were more wrapped up, like we are, in the friendship kind of love (Philos) or the physical kind of love (Eros). We don’t hear too much about God’s kind of love, out and about. It is easier to listen to the beat of our culture than figure out what the Bible means, on our own. In fact reading the Bible on our own can leave us pretty frustrated and even bored. Without seeing how the Bible relates to our lives today, with people we know, it is pretty easy to be searching for love in all the wrong places. (Praise Team playing in background

For example:

We look for love on the internet:  A recent ad reads: “Eastern University Professor, with sympathetic temperament and modest income, seeks wealthy widow, for satisfying life.”

or

We seek love in our possessions. In an Ann Landers column was found: “Dear Ann, I’ve got to decide between the new car and getting engaged. I love the girl but every night I dream about the car. What should I do?”

                                                            or

We look for love in knowledge. America is a producer of information and has become a focus for feelings of self worth and personal power. Knowledge is power, and some believe that adoration is love.

                                                            or

We look for love in ourselves. An American ethic of self love is pervasive in our culture. One survey revealed the number one reason for going to church in the United States, is to feel good about ourselves. You and I can spend a lot of energy looking for love in all the wrong places.

Country singer, Waylon Jennings, sings a song of how looking for love in all the wrong places didn’t work for him.

“I was “Looking for love” in all the wrong places

Looking for love in too many faces

Searching their eyes and looking for traces

Of what I’m dreamin’ of.

Hopin’ to find a friend and a lover

I’ll bless the day I discover

Another heart, lookin’ for love.

Although this song was about finding a lover, you and I can be looking for God’s love in all the wrong places too. It’s easy to be confused with all the different kinds of love. It’s easy to look for love in all the wrong places, because sometimes we are looking for the wrong kind of love.

Learning how to love others, like God loves us, is difficult but also so rewarding.  Yet it seems so much easier to get even, than to love. Sometimes we are offered opportunities to practice a more excellent way and if we decline, we are the greatest losers.

Beth Moore, a Christian author, tells the story of sitting in an airport waiting for her flight when she noticed a rather unkempt man in a wheel chair, sitting across from her. His long white hair was matted and dishelved, his clothes were rumpled, his eyes averting the uncomfortable stares from other passengers, and his hands appeared motionless.

Staring at him, Betty got a strong nudging to comb his hair. It wasn’t about her wanting to tidy him up; far from it. The very thought repelled her. Her discomfort rose into her throat. She didn’t even know him; maybe he would be insulted by such a suggestion; and besides, everyone would be watching her. She did everything to stifle this uncomfortable urging but nothing worked.

It was something or someone, pushing her to connect with him; to get up out of her seat and go help him. (I think it was an attack of Agape love!) Finally she walked over to him and said something like, “Would you like me to comb your hair for you?” The man nodded pointing to his backpack where his brush was. Carefully, she took it out and slowly began brushing his hair. The passengers stared and the man said nothing.

Just as she finished, his flight was called and someone came to wheel him onto the plane. Beth breathed a sigh of relief. Moments later one of the flight attendants came back up the ramp and asked, “What did you do for the man in the wheelchair?” “I brushed his hair for him, is all”, Beth replied. “Well, he is weeping tears of joy on the plane, so touched is he by your gift of love.”

Paul is inviting us to set our own bag of needs down; whether it’s our need to be right, or our anger, or our hurt, just set it down, and pick up the carefully wrapped package of the other person. For like Paul, there are times when you and I are unmistakably chosen to offer God’s kind of love. For that one moment, even if you have felt wronged, would prefer revenge to a love connection, God is asking us to care for the disheveled person in our lives.

This is the kind of love Paul is talking about; that selfless, put ourselves aside for a moment, kind of love. The non judging, unconditional kind of love, the kind of love that when we receive it ourselves, we are brought to tears too.

Often our sense of justice, or feeling wounded rises to the top, smothering any kind of love connection we might have. And we have lost. So Paul reminds us in this beautifully laid out letter:

Don’t fly off the handle.

Don’t give up on another.

Don’t always put yourself and your needs first.

Don’t relish when you are right and the other is wrong.

Instead remember, that true love, the kind of love God is asking of us, looks for the best in others, puts up with another’s weakness, trusts God always, in the midst of that.

This is the unconditional, Agape kind of love that God offered Paul that day on the road to Damascus, and what God offers you and me. And when we accept, we want to pass it on. “That’s how it is with God’s love, once you’ve experienced it, you spread His love, to everyone, and you want to pass it on.”

Give to the other person, your smile, a kind word, or forgiveness, to the one who is expecting anger from you. Instead of asking, “Why should I have to be the one to reconcile? Why do I have to give up my hurt, or anger, or lack of justice, when the other person isn’t?” Instead of separation seek out the love connection.

This week, I invite you to consider choosing one day to practice this Agape kind of love. Select your favorite sandpaper person from your rolodex, and carry them in your heart. Keep asking yourself the question “What might be most helpful to him or her?” And when you come up with ideal, act on it if you can, and see what happens; not to the other person, but to you.

I think Agape love is about God saying to us, “I want the very best for you”; at the same time God is saying those same words to the sandpaper person in your life.

This week:                                           

Trust steadily in God

Hope unswervingly.

Love extravagantly              

Amen