Today is the second sermon in a series from Proverbs on finding wisdom. Keep in mind throughout this series our working definition of wisdom. Wisdom = Applied knowledge. Today our topic is finding wisdom within the foundation of family. Our Scripture reading for today is Proverbs 6:20-22. (Read passage.)

Mark Twain had a great line about family wisdom. You may have heard it through someone else, but I have a book of Mark Twain quotations and it credits this quote to him, so I’m going with that. Mark Twain said this:

But, wait a moment, there’s more to the statement:

Anyone able to relate with that statement? Yes, it speaks pretty succinctly of the dynamic of instruction and wisdom between a parent and child.

Even though it can be a difficult journey—one in which our children think we’re the stupidest people on earth—it is also a vitally important journey. We are invited to see the importance of that journey by the language that is used in our Scripture passage for today. The image of a child listening to and obeying his or her parents’ instruction, the language of binding that instruction to his heart and neck and that instruction serving as a guide when she walks intentionally raises the image of a very important passage in the life of Israel, Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Known as the Shema, which is the Hebrew word for "hear," Deuteronomy 6:4-9 becomes a central passage in the obedient response of Israel to God. So much so that they take literally the instruction to bind these words to their hands and foreheads. You’ve seen pictures of orthodox Jews with a little box tied on their forehead? Those are called phylacteries and that little box contains folded up paper of passages from Scripture. Usually, one of the passages included in a phylactery is the Shema. The Shema says this: "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; underline mine) The importance of the connection of our Proverbs passage for today about a father and mother’s instruction to their child and the Shema’s words about God’s Law given through Moses is this: Instruction from parents is as important as instruction from God’s Law! Now, that’s a fairly radical statement. But, that is what this proverb invites us to think. God’s law is primary in importance for instruction for your children, to be bound upon hands and forehead…and so is instruction from your father and mother. Giving wise counsel and instruction to your children, or to your grandchildren, or to members of your family is a hugely important task!

Having said that, I want to expand our definition of family. According to definitions on the internet—I actually Googled this—there is the "nuclear family" consisting of father and mother and their children. Then, there is the "extended family" which the definitions said included at least three generations—grandparents and their grandchildren—plus the families of siblings—uncles and aunts and their nieces and nephews. Those are internet definitions. Not included in the internet definitions, but one I want to add to our vocabulary, is that of "church family." We frequently speak of the church as "family," and I want us to continually be challenged to see the church as family, to grow in our understanding of the church as family and to live out more and more the church as family.

Within the particular context of our Scripture reading for today, I think the church as family means that we take seriously what we vow to do at the baptism of a young child—that is to help the parents in raising their child to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. The Proverbs passage calls specifically for sons to listen to and keep the commands of their fathers and the teachings of their mothers. That’s immediate family. Yet throughout Proverbs the context of good instruction and the acquisition of wisdom—while using the language of children and parents—includes that of teachers and adults with their students and young people. It is of primary importance that young people receive the instruction of God’s Law—and it is of equal, primary importance that they receive the instruction of their nuclear family, their extended family, and their church family.

Here is what’s at stake in this. Many of you have already experienced this in your nuclear families and probably your extended families. But, this is also what’s at stake within our church family. A major goal, or a major responsibility of parents, grandparents, teachers and adults within the family is to impart to young people the value system by which they—the parents, et. al.—live. That’s their responsibility. Remember two things here. First, the adults in the lives of young people will live by proverbs—rules for life—it’s just a question of what proverbs they’ll live by—whether the Proverbs of Biblical instruction or the proverbs of worldly standards. And the young people around them will pick up on what that value system is by what they hear and observe and by what they are taught. Then, secondly, remember that the adults in young people’s lives are responsible to the young people under their care, they are not responsible for them. It is the adults’ responsibility to place before young people the values they live by—to talk about those values, to explain the reason behind those values and to model them in their own behavior. That is fulfilling their responsibility to their children. Our children, the young people under our care, are then responsible for their behavior in light of the values given them. If we make clear what our values are, young people will have a clear boundary line that ultimately they will come up against. It may happen at a party, or on a date, or hanging out with friends—somewhere, sometime they will face a situation that requires a decision. And part of their thinking towards that decision will be based upon whatever value system was taught them by their elders. If, first of all, we’ve failed them by not fulfilling our responsibility to them to give them a Godly-based value system, they don’t stand a chance. They will make decisions based upon a worldly value system of instant, self-gratification that often results in tragic consequences. If, however, we have fulfilled our responsibility to them by clearly placing before them a Godly-based value system, then one of three possibilities will occur. One, they will come up against that boundary line value system and will choose not to cross it. They will turn away from the temptation that violates those values. Or, secondly, they might choose to go against that value system, give in to the temptation that violates it, cross that boundary line, but then, later, turn back from it and return to the values taught them. Or, finally, they may choose to cross that boundary line and never turn back—at least for a lengthy period of time—in which case you have a young person in open rebellion to your value system. You’re responsible to them to teach them that value system. They are responsible for the actions they take in light of it.

That is what’s at stake in those far-too-few and all-too-quickly-fleeting years on instruction and teaching to young people.

A major moment in this life-changing drama is when your child, or grandchild, or young person in your church goes off to college. If you’ve experienced that moment, you remember it vividly. You’re losing control! Gone are the opportunities for firsthand observation of how your child is doing at living with your value system. Curfews no longer apply! Observation of their behavior is no longer possible—unless you decide to further your own college education and get a room in the same dorm…preferably on the same floor! The opportunity is gone—both for observation of their behavior and for imparting much of your value system to them. If it hasn’t happened well before that moment, it’s not going to happen.

My kids would tell you about receiving "The Talk." All three of them, in that moment of heading off for their first year of college got "The Talk," which was my way of reminding them of the value system we live by and attempting to create a few scenarios to consider in advance. "You’re at a party and someone starts passing a marijuana joint around. What are you going to do? You had better be clear in your mind and heart about what your values are before that temptation comes." That’s what’s at stake in being wise about laying a firm foundation of Godly values with your family.

A few years ago, there was a saying going around that raised some controversy. That statement was a quote of an African proverb: "It takes a village to raise a child." Frankly, I think the controversy was politically motivated—blown out of proportion, as most political motivations are, to imply that advocates of such a statement were trying to wrest control away from parents in determining how their children would be raised. I think we can say, without controversy within the church family, that it takes a church to raise a child. That’s what we promise to do when we baptize them. As parents, we promise to teach and to live out before our children what it means to be a disciple of Christ. As a church family, we promise to do the same thing and support the parents in their efforts. We do so by teaching in our Sunday Schools, by volunteering with our youth programs, by encouraging and exhorting parents and children to make participation in such activities a priority in their lives. It’s not an easy task. It often means going against the popular grain of the world and its priorities and standards. It even means putting up with being considered one of the stupidest persons on earth. But, imparting the wisdom of our values as parents, grandparents, and adults to our young people is of vital importance for the health and well-being of our family members. Equal, in fact (Proverbs leads us to conclude), to the instruction that comes from God’s Law.