There is a pulpit somewhere that is elevated high above the chancel, but the entrance into it is less than five feet high. I’ve heard it described but I can’t remember where it is…maybe John Calvin’s pulpit in Geneva. Anyway, it is high above the chancel to symbolize the high and holy status of the word of God. One "ascends" to the pulpit through steps at the back of the chancel. One must stoop, however, to enter into the pulpit. Even Malcolm Sweet would have needed to bend forward to enter into this pulpit! The purpose of the low entrance was to remind the preacher of the humbling task of proclaiming the word of God.

That is especially how I feel today. Humility is always a good posture in preparing to proclaim the word of God, but I feel that especially today. For our topic today—next in the series of topics from "the greatest sermon ever preached," Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount—includes Jesus’ teaching on divorce. It may seem an inappropriate topic on this day, Mother’s Day. I struggled with that. It just worked out that way in the division of topics through the series and the corresponding dates for them. I considered the possibility of shifting the topics around—taking a later topic and moving it to today and moving today’s topic to another day. I considered pausing for a moment in the series and selecting a topic specifically for Mother’s Day. But then it occurred to me that the topic of divorce is one that deeply affects our celebration of this day. One of the reasons I don’t devote the entire worship service to a Mother’s Day theme is that it’s not a happy day for everyone. For some, it is a painful day and the pain of divorce is often one of the causes. The church ought not be silent about the topic. In doing so, however, we must approach the topic with a great sense of humility and compassion. We must do so, once again, mindful of the importance of lifting up both truth and grace. Dale Bruner calls it the text and context of Jesus’ teaching. The text is a difficult teaching from Jesus regarding God’s truth for our lives. The context, always the context with Jesus includes grace. Not elevating one over the other, but elevating both truth and grace. And so, with a great sense of humility in approaching the word of God for today, our Scripture reading comes from the fifth chapter of Matthew, verses 31 through 37. Listen for the word of God.

Right up front I feel I must confess that for much of my life, the pain of divorce has not been a part of my experience. My parents did not divorce—last January they celebrated their 64^th wedding anniversary. This Saturday, Kim and I will celebrate our 33^rd anniversary. Kim’s parents did not divorce—they died much too early in life so we know that pain firsthand, but not divorced. When I think of my close friends throughout my school years, from elementary school through college, none of their parents were divorced. It sounded too incredible to be true, so I asked Kim if I was blocking something out of my mind, but she couldn’t think of any either. Divorce was not on the radar screen of my life in any way that I can recall. I know that raises some questions about my right to say anything about the topic at all and I want to be sensitive to that—entering into the topic with a deep bow of humility.

As the years have gone by, however, divorce began to creep more into our lives. Kim’s sister went through a divorce. Three years ago, my brother in California called me and with shaky voice and sobbing told me his wife had left him. This is the brother to whom we sometimes refer to as "Mr. Stoic," and so it was very difficult to hear him that day and even more difficult to go through the process of their divorce. A family reunion two years ago was the first gathering without his wife there and there was an emptiness there, an awkward void no one knew how to address. And, as a pastor now for 19 years, I’ve experienced the pain of divorce with members of the churches I’ve served. Some of the people whose weddings I officiated have gotten divorced. That is a very humbling and painful thing. Divorce is always painful. And that is why Jesus teaches about it in his sermon. He wants to protect us from experiencing the pain of divorce.

It’s interesting to note, that early in his sermon Jesus addresses topics that seriously impact marriages. Uncontrolled anger, nurtured anger impacts all relationships, marriage included. Adultery specifically impacts marriage. And now divorce. Almost immediately, Jesus addresses topics impacting marriage. Marriage is important to Jesus. He wants to protect us from the pain of damaged marriage relationships and provide for us marriage as God intended it to be.

One reason Jesus addresses the topic of marriage so early in his sermon—along with the fact that it is a very important topic to him—is the cultural situation of his time. Once again, Jesus raises the bar on the standards prevalent in his time. "It has been said," Jesus says, and then refers to a passage from Deuteronomy regarding a certificate of divorce. Typical of the teachers of the law in Jesus’ day, they had debated the meaning of Deuteronomy 24:1, "If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house…" The passage then goes on to discuss issues of remarriage. The teachers of the law focused on the "something indecent about her." What did that mean? There were actually two "schools" of rabbis with two very different interpretations of this. One school determined the "something indecent" to be adultery only. The other school, however, determined the "something indecent" to be just about anything the husband decided! A husband could divorce his wife, for instance, if she burned his dinner! Or, if the husband simply found another woman he was more attracted to, that qualified as "something indecent" in the wife! In the weakness of humanity, you can imagine which interpretation was beginning to rule the day. That was the status of Jewish society toward marriage in Jesus’ day.

The Greeks were even worse. The norm of Greek society was the wives were expected to be pure, sometimes being confined to their homes to avoid impurities, while their husbands were encouraged by Greek culture to be promiscuous! That is why, for example, there existed such things as cultic temples of prostitution like the one at Corinth. The husbands were encouraged to go there while the wives were required to stay home and be pure! I won’t go into some of the laws of Greek culture regarding husbands and wives. Suffice it to say husbands had total power and control while wives had practically no rights at all.

Into this mockery of God’s design for marriage comes Jesus’ teaching. Briefly, here, Jesus appears to side with the conservative rabbi school regarding divorce only because of infidelity. At the very least, he is changing the landscape regarding the attitude toward women in marriage. The absurdly liberal law of the Jews regarding the meaning of "something indecent" and the heartless ways of Greek culture toward women are wrong. Later, Jesus says more about the issue of divorce and God’s standard for marriage. The 19^th chapter of Matthew is used in most marriage ceremonies. Jesus quotes the story of creation and of man and woman becoming one flesh, adding the words, "What God has joined together, let no human being separate." As to Moses’ permitting a certificate of divorce? Jesus states clearly that such permission is the result of our hardheartedness and not God’s intent. Marriage is sacred to God. The prophet, Malachi, says "God hates divorce," (Malachi 2:16a). I don’t doubt that. Certainly, God hates divorce for the pain that it causes. Yet, we must hasten to add that just as certainly God loves divorced people.

What are we, in our society today, to make of Jesus’ teaching about divorce and taking our word seriously? First of all, there is some good statistical news in our society. The divorce rate is at its lowest since 1970. The sociologists would caution us, however, that’s not the whole story. The divorce rate is probably lower because more people are choosing to live together and not get married. The other factor in a lower divorce rate—and I think this is a good thing—is that people are waiting longer to get married. I think that’s a good thing because, basically, I believe our society is pretty much clueless when it comes to building positive relationships. Certainly what is modeled for us everyday in the media is not helpful toward building positive relationships.

Several years ago, when I was working with youth, we watched a program entitled The Next Time I Fall in Love. It is fantastic. I encouraged Steve to use it with our youth here, which he did. It’s a little dated—the clothing and hairstyles definitely shout "late-80’s"—but its basic theme is still right on target. Basically, the teaching uses two of the words the Greeks have to describe "love," eros, which is a selfish, conditional love and agape, which is unselfish and unconditional love. At one point, the speaker, addressing an auditorium packed with high school students, describes the differences in those two kinds of love, then asks his audience this: "How many of you would say that the relationships you see going on around you are eros relationships?" Every hand in the auditorium goes up. Then he asks, "How many of you would say that the kind of relationship you want to be loved in is an agape relationship?" Again, every hand goes up! I think the result would be the same if one were to ask an auditorium full of adults. We’re clueless about how to go about building agape, God-like love, in our relationships. How do you do that, you might ask. How does one build an agape relationship and not an eros one? The program offered a simple measurement: the various aspects of a relationship—the emotional, social, physical aspects of a relationship—must never move ahead of the level of commitment in the relationship. "Going steady" at, say, 25% level of commitment. The emotional, social, physical aspects of a relationship is less than 25%. Marriage is 100%. The emotional, social, physical aspects of a relationship never moves to 100% until after marriage.

That is absolutely counter to our culture today. Actively advocate for lifestyles that measure up to that, and the culture will laugh in your face. But, there’s a lot of pain in our culture today and much of it is the result of divorce. What makes sense to you: eros relationships—selfish, conditional in nature? Or agape relationships—unselfish, concerned more about the other, unconditional love? Generally, I think we’re pretty clueless about building positive, agape-like relationships in our lives and it’s definitely swimming upstream against the culture. But whose design for marriage do you think we should follow—the culture’s? Or God’s? I think one of the things Jesus would want for his disciples today is to help and encourage people in building agape relationships. It’s difficult! It’s a high standard! The culture around you will laugh at you. But, I think it is necessary if we even hope to come close to the sacred standard of marriage Jesus holds.

What else would Jesus ask of us in our society today? I think Jesus would also want us to take our own vows seriously. All this language about oaths in today’s passage basically says, "Take your word seriously." Whether in marriage vows or business commitments, whether in casual conversations or legal ones, take your word seriously. "Let your yes be yes and your no be no."

In taking our word seriously, especially our marriage vows, I think Jesus would also encourage us to seek help when we need it. I’m always amazed—and even more dismayed—when one party in a marriage that is in trouble seeks counseling but the other refuses. The "it’s all your problem, not mine" attitude is a guarantee for failure. It’s eros thinking, not agape. It’s not taking seriously the vows we made when we were married. If you think there are problems in your marriage, get counseling…together! There’s no shame in that. There is shame in not working your hardest at something Jesus values so highly.

Finally, I think Jesus would encourage his disciples today that where there is difficulty in marriages, where there is the pain and hurt of divorce, offer our compassion and support. Extend to experiencing such pain the mercy and grace of Christ.

People often ask if Jesus teaches we’re guilty of adultery if divorced and remarried. Yes! It’s difficult teaching! Jesus’ standard for marriage is high and we ought to take that seriously. But his standard for grace is also high—and we ought to take that serious as well. Jesus doesn’t condemn the divorced to a future life where the only choices are singleness or sin, anymore than he earlier condemned the lustful looker to a life without eyes and hands. Always, there is his grace. Is there brokenness and pain in divorce? Extremely so. God wants to protect us from that. But, where there is failure—and sorrow and repentance over that failure—there is forgiveness and grace.

The best summary for this topic I know of comes from the late Dr. Elizabeth Achtemeier, former professor at Union Seminary in Virginia. In her book, The Committed Marriage, Dr. Achtemeier writes: "Divorce is never the intention of God for our marriages. We can make such a general statement on the basis of the biblical evidence…Christ could heal our marriages; there is no doubt about that. He has conquered our sin by his death and resurrection…Divorce is never ‘good,’ never ‘right,’ and never ‘justified’ in the eyes of God. In divorcing, we can only believe we are doing wrong, with deep anguish and repentance. But with such an attitude, there is indeed forgiveness and acceptance and the opportunity of a new life, even in a new marriage, offered by the gospel. God tells us that he can make all things new (Revelation 21:5)," (The Committed Marriage, by Dr. Elizabeth Achtemeier, pp. 128-31, as quoted in Matthew, A Commentary, Volume 1, by Dr. Dale Bruner, p.196).

Let’s take a moment of silent reflection, thanking God for His gift of marriage for our lives, and His gift of grace given to us at all times.